And I still have to work with this guy.
Which I left in my rage.
And I brought twenty dollars worth of beer.
Literally the most humiliating situation of my life.
Would it be weirder to sneak out while this dude is in the bathroom or to punch him in the face?
Those are the two top options.
I hate sharing food. I really hate it.
I’ll buy you your own, but stay off mine.
It’s a sunny fall weekend afternoon in a university town and the air smells like dried oak leaves, dude bro, and premeditated vomit.
Oh my god. 😂
Octopuses really freak me out.
I’ll tell you what I do want. I want someone who will be monogamous, and nice to his mother. And I want someone who likes musicals but knows to just shut his mouth when I’m watching Lost. And I want someone who thinks being really into cars is lame and strip clubs are gross. I want someone who will actually empty the dishwasher instead of just taking forks out as needed, like I do. I want someone with clean hands and feet and beefy forearms like a damn Disney prince. And I want him to genuinely like me, even when I’m old. And that’s what I want.